Use a concrete example, not just that you don't like him.To keep your friend from getting defensive, cite a moment or an offending quality, like Lena did here with the "not nice/nice" juxtaposition.4. Not necessary, but it might be a good idea to show that, hey, you understand what might attract her to the guy, but how, ultimately, that's not enough.5. I love Lena's statement of, "He's not for you bc he's not for anyone." It's so easy to feel like you're the problem when a relationship isn't working and Lena's point hits home that no one can fix this guy, nor should they feel compelled to.
” We recently received an email from a woman who was panicked about her sister’s upcoming wedding. She’s engaged to a total loser and is about to make the biggest mistake of her life. She cooks, she cleans, and she pays his bills while he sits around playing video games all day.
She’s a brilliant researcher, a talented musician, and a wonderful friend. I have shared my concerns, but she says she loves him and that I simply don’t understand what a great guy he is." Katie’s response is typical. We are a community of women, and we need to be real and honest with one another.
Women put their blinders on when it comes to men and shut out their friends’ comments and concerns… If you are a mother concerned about your daughter, the same is true for you. You must do everything within your power to stop her from crashing.
It's really hard to watch a pal date a dude who is clearly clearly not good enough for her—or just isn't a good guy in general. From Lena's example, we've gleaned the following five lessons on how to tell a friend her boyfriend sucks:1. As in, start your email with something positive (bread), put the negative stuff in the middle (meat, cheese), and end the email on a positive note (more bread).
But, luckily, Lena Dunham gave us an unintentional master class on how to tell a friend she's in a bad relationship when she shared email she wrote to a gal pal for Miranda July's "We Think Alone" project. I understand SO much the appeal, but he's not worth your energy and someone like art guy may not be perfect or right but he's starting on a good foot by offering some of himself to you and wanting to give you pleasureful [sic] times. This is tried-and-true advice for sending any kind of difficult letter, or having a hard convo with someone close to you, too.2.
Here's what she wrote to her friend, K:"Listen to me. He says not nice things in a nice voice so they seem nice but they are not. Focus more on your love for your friend, not you hate for the guy.
I am a woman who loves and adores and, I believe, understands you. He isn't kind or careful with you, he wants to suck the kindness out of you, and if he's like this after 10 years of group therapy then G-d help us all. Instead of saying, OMG your BF is the freaking WORST, Lena shares why the dude's behavior offends her in relation to how it seems to affect her pal.3.
Unfortunately, most women feel that they shouldn’t speak up. If you saw your daughter trapped in a speeding car headed for a cliff, would you stand by and watch, hoping and praying things would work out for her? Whether you are a friend or a relative, here are your options: Option 1: Don’t say anything.
They’ve been burned when they tried to help before, and they don’t want to get burned again. Result: You now have a not-so-real friendship because you have to pretend to be supportive of her choice in a husband.